I have decided to join a book club with a group of ladies on
Wednesday night this summer. This is a group of ladies who are leaders within
the church. Many of them study the bible in various ways together, year round.
As I was reading the book before our first study last night,
I realized this book was a great fit for me. The
author Angie Smith is a woman
of great fear. She admits that fear, worry, being afraid or betrayed are a
major part of her testimony. Angie talks very openly about her daily struggles
with fear.
I felt fear just saying I would join these ladies who all
seem to know the lord and each other very well. Fear that once again, I may be over
committing myself to meet each Wednesday. Fear of acceptance in the group. Fear
that I don’t know the bible as they may. Fear that maybe I don’t pray right (if there was a "right" way).
Fear that they would judge.
I came out of last night’s first meeting feeling that all
of those “fears” I had about joining these ladies were more than silly.
I am excited to share with you a few things that go through
my mind as we read through the book this summer.
In the introduction of the book, she talks about life being
a balancing act. The book reads: situations
come up and cause us to tip a little, and we cry out in fear. We often feel
like just as we get it figured out, the wire begins to shake and we have to
adjust it all over again. We (mistakenly) believe that at some point we are
going to find the solution, learn how to balance the pole exactly right in
every moment so that we don’t ever tremble anymore.
That is so true. To
put it into perspective, great example of that would be finally hitting a goal
in your savings account only to have the car break down. Worse yet, having the car break down and no
money in your savings. Many of us know
just how an example like that feels. How easy it is to let something like that
tip you.
It is so encouraging to read through the book and be reassured
in the group that God is not unaware of our fears; this is where we need to
fall back on him. Falling back on God, coupled with the balancing act in our
way of thinking will help steady us when things get shaky.
One of my biggest FEARS is fear of acceptance. I want
EVERYONE to like me. I think this is the
base of many of my fears. I also fear death to someone close to me. If
something were to happen to my husband or child could I go on without them? If
something were to happen to me will there be someone there to take care of my
young children. Would they be loved and cared for like I love and care for them?
Would they know how much I loved them? (remember I told you that is a A HUGE reason for this blog) You see how real and legitimate
our fears are and how easy it could be to let them consume you.
What are some of your daily worries and fears? What keeps
you awake at night?
